Opinion And on the eighth day, God said: Let Mastriano win Pennsylvania
And, lo, it shall come to pass, on the eighth day of the eleventh month of the Year of our Lord 2022, that Our Heavenly Father shall gather the inhabitants of His Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, from the Sacred City of Filial Love to His Earthly Paradise on the Monongahela, and from all other dwelling places therein; and He shall say, “Riseth up ye and goeth to the polling places; and therein casteth ye thy ballots in such manner that the Heavenly Host doth thunder, ‘Yea, Doug Mastriano, assuredly and verily thou art a cuckoo bird.’ ”
— the Gospel according to nobody in particular
Doug Mastriano is on a mission from God.
The Republican nominee for governor of Pennsylvania has done any number of things that would doom to Hades the political prospects of any mortal politician: wearing a Confederate uniform, doing business with a white nationalist website, calling Roe v. Wade worse than the Holocaust, associating with militia figures from groups such as the Oath Keepers, appearing at the Capitol during the Jan. 6 insurrection, and sharing QAnon conspiracy ideas, anti-Semitic propaganda and anti-Muslim hatred.
But though he walks through the shadow of the valley of defeat, he fears no evil — because he has his very own campaign prophet! Her name is Julie Green, and she personally receives messages directly from God, “sometimes … twice a day,” she says, when He instructs her to turn on certain recordings and then speaks to her through the music’s “frequencies.”
The Good Book tells us a prophet is without honor in her own country, and, sure enough, Green has been removed from YouTube, she complains. (She shares her prophesies instead on Telegram and Donald Trump’s Truth Social.) But Mastriano has raised up Prophet Julie and her gospel — which, it so happens, is all about how Mastriano’s enemies will be turned into pillars of salt.
God, speaking through Green, told Mastriano in February that “I will not forsake you” in the quest “for the great steal to be overturned,” as Eric Hananoki (God bless him) chronicled for the liberal watchdog Media Matters for America. In March, Mastriano’s campaign invited Green to give the opening prayer at a campaign event at which a Mastriano aide welcomed her as “a representative of God.” In April, Mastriano appeared with Green at a conference and posted a photo of himself with her. In May, Green, at the Mastriano campaign’s request, made a custom prophecy video for his followers. In June, Green, claiming she visited Mastriano “several times,” said “we just have a special relationship.”
Praise be. Neither Mastriano nor his prophet responded to my requests for comment.
Axios reports that Mastriano’s associations with people such as Green have “raised eyebrows” in Republican circles. But Green is just one of many self-proclaimed prophets who have been predicting Trump’s political resurrection. In the MAGA age, they’ve reportedly got quite a following among Pentecostal and charismatic Christians. It’s one more sign (from on high?) of a movement gone bonkers.
Blending Old Testament fire and brimstone with insurrectionist invective, Green serves up endless jeremiads against opponents of God’s “son” Trump, as Hananoki detailed.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi “will be visited by the Angel of Death for her crimes against my nation. … She loves to drink the little children’s blood. … Yes, a true witch she really is.”
God, speaking through Green, disclosed that elites have done “human sacrifices” and “manipulated even the weather.” Arizona’s Republican Gov. Doug Ducey sold his “soul to the devil” and “treason will be written on you for all eternity.” Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif.) “formulated plans to throw out [Trump] from his rightful position as president. … You will pay with your life.”
Rep. Liz Cheney (R-Wyo.), too, will have her life “taken from you by the Angel of Death.” Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif.) will face “eternity in the Lake of Fire.” Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp (R) “stood alongside the Red Dragon.” Sen. Susan Collins (R-Maine) “will reap what you have sown in this hour of judgment, saith the Lord of Hosts.” Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) is “a snake in the grass” who “infiltrated my nation, and that is the last thing you will ever do.” President Biden, Green proclaims, “has already been judged and is no longer alive.”
Sens. Mitt Romney (R-Utah), Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.) and others are due to meet similar ends, according to God’s word — as told to Green.
Will Green’s many prophecies come to pass?
Well, that depends. Will the good people of Pennsylvania succumb to conspiracy lunacy masquerading as scripture? Or will they, and voters everywhere, decide that this is just one more sign that the false prophets of MAGA have gone entirely too far?
God willing, voters will know them by their fruits."